Faith, Prayer and just a bit of me

I don't always share things like this, but it is a big part of who I am.

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed. I start thinking about my future, I make a step by step plan. Before I realize it, my next 10 years is planned to the "T" and I am ready for the 10 year pay off! But wait, it has been only a day and the first steps are usually the longest and hardest. I am easily discouraged and this normally results in me spending the day in PJ's.

I feel anxious, like the feeling you get when you wake up and realize you just slept through your big test and have to wait for the teacher to decide if you can retake it. I am frustrated that I can't skip ahead. Time and money are never on my side.

Then, when I am quiet and still enough, even if it is just for a few minutes I think of a song I learned in church when I was little. I don't ever remember learning the song, but it is pretty much how I start my prayers. (Well I sing the first verse in my head as I am preparing to pray) 

It goes:

"Heavenly Father, are you really there?

And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?

Some say that heaven is far away,

But I feel it close around me as I pray.

Heavenly Father, I remember now

Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:

"Suffer the children to come to me."

Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee."

I can pray and I know someone is listening. This past week my church had a televised conference, where the leaders of the church spoke. We call it general conference and it happens twice a year. For us it is like the super bowl, only it lasts 2 days and is 10 hours total in length. In that time we hear talks from many different leaders, from different places each giving council and guidance as directed from the our Heavenly Father. 

I surround myself with different people, from different cultures and beliefs. I try not to offend anyone with my beliefs because I don't want to be pushy. We are all given agency on this earth and counseled not to judge one another. (And I certainly am in no way fit to be a judge of any sort!) Because of this, I feel I don't always share what I know. If asked out right I would never deny it, that is for sure, but to offer up the words willingly, not often. 

So today as I am sitting in the rocking chair, watching my son sleep and worrying about the next "crucial five years" I remember a talk given by Elder Scott last week. He spoke about 4 tools that could bring us peace. The first was prayer. 

Elder Scott said, 

"Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences."

"Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life."

This is what I know, what I believe and the truths I follow. 

It helps me on days like today when I feel inadequate.

Heavenly Father is a prayer away.

For the rest of Elder Scott's talk click here.

For the rest of A Child's Prayer song click here.

For the entire LDS 2014 October Conference click here.

Still alive.

I have thought a lot about the BLOG. I am Mommy now, so time is not ever my own. I thought about trying to capture each day and writing it down. That thought was out the door before I could even finish it. I thought about deleting it, but I like reading what I wrote years ago. (It's that embarrassing, goofy feeling like: Oh dear... did I really do that?) So I decided that it will be what ever I feel like. And maybe more than one post a day. Maybe zero for a week.

I want to write down my thoughts... why not here?

Sleepless dreams

It is currently 3:10 AM and I am awake on the couch. I was just about to head to the bed when little Thomas kicked me hard and slow. My entire stomach moved like an ocean wave. He is giving up sleep for me.

I originally got out of my warm bed, in a pretty decent sleeping position, to get TUMS. I was wide awake at 12:30AM, but like always, waited till the last second I could possibly bare to roll (and I mean roll) myself out of bed to seek some relief.

Once I found the TUMS I found a book and hours later Thomas is loving the awake time.

So here I sit, debating if I should try going to bed, even though in an hour my alarm will go off and I will be up with Cody, getting him ready for work. Or if I should eat something to get the horrible taste of TUMS out of my mouth. Both requires moving... So here I sit.

Sitting=Thinking.

Today at my doctors appointment, I am 33 week, he was feeling Thomas and said, "He is a big baby!" I said, "THANK YOU! I knew he was huge!" I am still very pleased that someone has agreed with me that this kid is above average on growth. (Keeps the dream that he will come at 37 weeks alive for me)

But it is also interesting. At my baby shower some said, after I guess looking me up and down, "She is going to have a big baby." Really? At my baby shower? I took this not very kindly. What is that suppose to mean? I translated it as, "WOW, Brittany you are huge." Thanks, but are you a moron? It is my baby shower, tell me I look skinny. Lie! How hard is it to smile, lie and eat cake.

After hearing this, yes some actually repeated it to me in passing, I was happy I turned down the "guess how big her stomach is game." And when some of my guests asked me to play that game I said no. (Even though my loving sister had already measured me for it) I just don't understand why anyone would want to play a game that makes an eight month pregnant girl with swollen ankles, who has help to put on her shoes, who does a not-so-cute squat to pick things off the ground pose so they can guess her waist line. Umm, pass. I responded with "I am having a "large day" so I don't want people measuring me." Luckily I had just enough class to leave out the eye roll.

Wow. I just re-read that paragraph. Apparently it really struck a nerve that has not healed. HOWEVER, I did allow myself to be touched by almost all 50 people the shower. And by touched I mean tummy rubbed. And by rubbed I mean boarder-line (sometimes wayyyy past the boarder) awkward. A few times I said, "Yup... okay. Thats enough. Not a genie lamp" and walked away.

This was not a post about the baby shower but just one more thought on the subject. I know how cool it is to feel the baby kick. (It is currently rocking my world) So sharing that with someone is AWESOME. I love when I can grab Cody's had at the right time and have him feel my (our) little baby kick. When I am at home, I try to show everyone when Thomas is performing his karate routine.

So I get it, the belly is a magnate. But feeling MY belly isn't touching the baby. He is pretty layered. So when he is sleeping (or hiding) and people start the "rub" it poses a lot of questions. Such as, "You realize how far up and down you are rubbing your hands on my body, in public, without an invitation?" "Great, you're still touching me." "That's not Thomas moving, I just hiccuped" "Yep, keep rubbing and you get a wish." "So we are trying this for the 3rd time, awesome."

And that clears up my feelings on that matter. Ha, the more I fight the "rub", the more it comes to me.

After my rant, I am officially motivated to go to sleep. Hopefully writing at 3AM and not bothering to edit won't make me sound like a monster. I had a lovely baby shower. And I love Thomas. And I love that if someone makes me stay up till the twilight, it is my baby. And I also love that I can hear Cody's snores calling my name!

Goodnight!

Hugs and Kisses

Valentines day is not about the gifts, it is more just a scheduled date night that the world provides. HOWEVER, we indulged in gifts this year. I always give lame ones that are NOT romantic but practical. Cody gives me sweet gifts that are constant reminders how he thinks of me all the day long. (In my defense, I did put a heart shaped chocolate box in his lunch.)

To make the night romantic, (well as romantic as it gets with a 6 month pregnant woman) I built a tent in our living room, made some homemade pizza and lit the candles. [The candles FREAKED Cody out. Something about a 'cloth tent, fire, burning, disaster']

Cody was in charge of the movie.... so we watched Lone Ranger. Romantic. 

We ended the night with some brownies and a bedtime of 8:30. 

That is my kind of party. 

This is called love?

My darling husband had a cold for about a week, and I knew every second of it. He was a ball of germs and I constantly was making a squished "eww" face when I looked at him. But of course, I tended to his every need and got him the medicine that he likes. I made baths, tea and clean un-germed clothes appear for him. How does he repay me on the day he feels better?

I am dying.

Toots, kicks and cravings

Today I woke up and dreamed I was 39 and half weeks pregnant. I was so happy. Then I realized I am only about 29 weeks. Bummer.

[I decided to show off my tummy]

I have just entered the third trimester. Oh hooray! Cody said (in all seriousness), "At the end of this one, you will have a baby!" Yup, that is how it works. However, I don't remember what life was before pregnancy. [Some mom's are probably rolling their eyes and thinking, wait till you have 6] I haven't worn zip-up jeans in months. Shaving my legs? When standing in the shower I can see about my knee down. And the idea of bending and tending is not high on my list. I told my mom today, I can almost feel the stretch marks coming on, my tummy is not made to handle this weight! Laying down means an immediate lost of breath for about a minute. Vertical to horizontal is a process now. And I feel like a rotisserie chicken while I sleep, constantly turning from one side to the other.

So those are my complaints. (Shorter than my first trimester for sure!) When I make it from vertical to horizontal, and I am laying in bed I dream of my sweet baby, who is more likely than not, kicking me at that moment. I think about holding him next to me. Or laying him in between Cody and I on Saturday mornings when we just lay in bed and talk. I think about how my entire heart will just melt when he holds my finger. And I think about the moment when someone is holding my crying baby and I pick him up and he is instantly soothed. (The last one is kinda just a big wish on my part. I worry that he might like others more than his mother!)

Well 11 weeks left of dreaming, then it is game time. Until then I will crave me a chocolate milkshake and have Cody tie my shoes. I just can't wait for my little bundle of joy to get here!

Super Bowl Sunday

So Cody and I aren't HUGE football fans. But when a game is on I like to watch it, because A) we only have like 4 channels and it is normally the best option B) it reminds me of home, so it is calming to watch huge guys slam each other into the ground and C) we are having a boy so we need to be sporty.

So on Saturday when Cody realized the Super Bowl coming, he was like a little kid. I was way impressed how much it meant to him to watch it. He started listing off the things we needed to buy. 

That's when I realized, it was all about the food.

His wish came true. 

[The game was just sad.]

My Lazy Saturday

Pretty much my husband

This morning I was laying on the couch and heard Cody singing in the kitchen. 
It went like this:

I can'ttt stoppp

And I wonnn't stoppp

Cause-somebody-cut-my-breaks

I-am-going-to-die

I was extremely entertained.

He is just darling.

Just a side note, I was looking through my old post. And found this little treasure 02/01/2009. Same day just back in 2009. The crazy college days. [Now I am old, ever expanding and married. Pretty boring]

Snow Day

First: Update on that dinner I made. It was okay BUT I should have NEVER added the broccoli in so soon. Ugh, it smelled and that is the one thing I would change. Cody, bless his heart, ate his entire plate with enthusiasm. 

Today we woke up to snow, and a lot of it. It hasn't snowed in a while so I thought what a wonderful time to get some maternity pictures done. Everyone I want to do my pictures is far far away. But lucky me, Cody bought me a ridiculously nice camera for my birthday, so he was the photographer.

It was a little rough...

But fun.

The wifey in me

So we have been married a year. And it took about that long for me to really get some wife duties. (Although when I fall short Cody is pretty good about making up the difference) Every morning, ok I may have skipped like 3, I wake up at 4 with him and make him his lunch, breakfast and send him off with a kiss. Then I snuggle back into bed where I wake up 2-3 hours later. When you look at it, I pretty much have a sweet set-up. I also try to make dinner everyday. Pinterest has been my great friend in this endeavor.

I came from a home where my mom cooked for us all the time. And a lot of the time it was things we had left in the pantry, or refrigerator that was going bad so she would throw it all together and it was delicious. I was that girl though that said, I will learn to cook later. Ha, oh how people tried to show me. I can follow a recipe, pretty well, it is that whole know what taste good together part I am missing.

So for about a month now Cody and I have been trying to just eat in. It saves money, but also gives us some talking time at the end of the night. I do LOVE to sit at the table and eat a home cooked meal. Since I have taken on this task I have discovered things like cream of chicken [pretty much just throw it on anything] and seasonings. Having a crockpot is WONDERFUL and it is my easy cooking days when I use it.

So the POINT to this is yesterday I wanted to make a roast. But I only know how to make one. IT is SUPER easy and Cody keeps asking for it. But you can ONLY have it so many times. (Plus I made it was I was pregnant sick and the smell, while wonderful, gives me bad memories) And I do love Pinterest. HOWEVER, sometimes I just want to use what I have! I don't want to go to the store for 5 more ingredients that I am just going to use for this dish and then let go bad, no!

So here it is. I used what I had, NO idea how this is going to turn out.

1 2.5lb Chuck Roast
1 can of Cream of Chicken
1/2 can of water
3 Largish potatoes cut up
1/2 bag of frozen broccoli that I found in the freezer
And probably a lot of seasoning

I put it in the crockpot while Cody was eating breakfast today. He looked alarmed, but has been well trained to not question the homemaker in me. Instead he said, "Honey how about you go back to bed? You don't have to stay up with me." Haha, nice try.

[Also, I feel like this needs to be said: I was sick almost all of last week and Cody made dinner so I could sleep and lunch and breakfast. He is pretty good at all his husband duties.]

I set it for high for 10 hours. We shall see . . .

Fred the Tortoise

Cody never wants to experience death with pets. 

Tortoises live to be about 70-100 years old.

(So we will allow our grandchildren to experience that pain.)

For Christmas he got his wish! Cody was inseparable from Fred. True love.

They are together in EVERY activity.

Fred would stay outside ALL day. Loving the sun.

Keeping it warm in our BED! wOw!

We were in Phoenix for the vacation so we had the great task of getting Fred from sunny AZ to snowy Idaho. [Fred might hate us for this forever] We first flew on the plane. TSA and pretty much EVERYONE we saw was impressed by our little pet. We were stopped a few times and questioned if it was legal, if we needed papers, if it was suppose to go through the x-ray machine etc. After a very LONG morning for Fred, he was tucked under my seat and it was take off.

Waiting in all the LINES. Early morning for us!

We arrived in Salt Lake, grabbed our bags and hopped on the train. Now the original plan was the train would take us to a connecting train that would take us to our car. Well the connecting train didn't run on Sunday. (How wonderful.) So we were left alone at a deserted station (because we figured this out once we had already boarded.) After standing and thinking, we were mostly worried about Fred and him getting too cold. We gave him a hand warmer and started on our very own trek.

We walked a little over a mile (I think, maybe more) to Temple Square. We were pulling ALL our belongings and I felt like a modern day pioneer. We tried to document it as best as possible.

After a tender mercy, our friends came to pick us up and took us to our car. Fred was so tired of travel and spent the next 3 hours sleeping. Before our much anticipated arrival home, we had to stop and get Fred a proper set up. Again, EVERYONE we met fell in love with him because we refused to leave him in the car.

We arrived home and had a few worried nights. Cody and I were constantly reading about Fred and how to make his life like a royal. After a week we got it down. He is so loved and so cool. We love Fred and are so excited to introduce him to our friends.

Ballon tied around him so he can roam at will.

Loves eating and will try to eat anything!

We Love Fred!

One year down....

I am coming up on a year of marriage in a few weeks and I have some thoughts.

Most say it is either the best year, or the worst year of your life. I say it is both. You start out with the person you know that you are going to love with all your heart for all eternity. Sometimes, in those hard times you can think, I love you but I don't like you at this moment and one more word and I might take "love" completely off the table. That is where I found a partner. Someone who is with you, wether you like them or not, they are there and going to be facing all the realities with you.

This of course isn't perfected in the first year by any means, just merely introduced. And I think that is the greatest thing I have learned. I have thought a few times this past year about how my life was easier not married. I thought about my freedom and how I could be so selfish and nobody cared. I have to say for a least a few hours on three separate days I longed for that again.

When you are facing a change that only requires experience I think that can be allowed, a few times. But then I think about my future and how my husband is everything apart of that. And it means having little fights, disagreeing, some tears and lots and lots of 'sorry's' and 'I love you's'. Because no matter how wonderful my friends are, loving my family can be, my husband is my partner.

I still look at my wedding ring and day dream. I think I had the best wedding in the world. It was small and special. My reception was the greatest party ever in my honor. It was a celebration of everything I loved... including my husband. I can't think of that day and time without smiling.

I will also be about 6 months pregnant on our year mark. What a wonderful feeling it is to share this time with the person that loves you even when you are getting sick in his beloved car. Because of this great blessing of out baby boy, I have completely no secrets from my husband. He has seen me on my worst days, worst moods and ugliest sick days. The day I asked him if I could just die instead of living (insert eye roll) he went to the store 4 different times trying to find the drink I could keep down. That is patience.

So we are almost a year and I don't think I would change it for anything. We have had our ups and downs and came out respecting each other more than before. Loving is easy, it is co-existing we had to learn.

I love my husband very much. I still call him "boyfriend", he still calls me "brit-brit". I still think he is the funniest person on earth, he still agrees. We still can't make up our mind about anything, and we still argue about whose fault that is. We still settle disputes with a game of UNO, he still cheats. We still say, "I love you", even when we are flaming mad. We still argue about me not writing him on his mission, I am still married to him for time and all eternity. I still think he is a stud and flattered he chose me.

Thank you dear husband for a wonderful year. I appreciate you and I can't wait to meet our son with you. I am terrified for change, so you hold my hand. I am always safe with you and always have a date to bring. Thank you for always kissing me goodbye. I love you so very much. -Brittany