Thursday, October 9, 2014

Faith, Prayer and just a bit of me

I don't always share things like this, but it is a big part of who I am.

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed. I start thinking about my future, I make a step by step plan. Before I realize it, my next 10 years is planned to the "T" and I am ready for the 10 year pay off! But wait, it has been only a day and the first steps are usually the longest and hardest. I am easily discouraged and this normally results in me spending the day in PJ's.

I feel anxious, like the feeling you get when you wake up and realize you just slept through your big test and have to wait for the teacher to decide if you can retake it. I am frustrated that I can't skip ahead. Time and money are never on my side.

Then, when I am quiet and still enough, even if it is just for a few minutes I think of a song I learned in church when I was little. I don't ever remember learning the song, but it is pretty much how I start my prayers. (Well I sing the first verse in my head as I am preparing to pray) 

It goes:
"Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer ev'ry child's prayer?
Some say that heaven is far away,
But I feel it close around me as I pray.
Heavenly Father, I remember now
Something that Jesus told disciples long ago:
"Suffer the children to come to me."
Father, in prayer I'm coming now to thee."

I can pray and I know someone is listening. This past week my church had a televised conference, where the leaders of the church spoke. We call it general conference and it happens twice a year. For us it is like the super bowl, only it lasts 2 days and is 10 hours total in length. In that time we hear talks from many different leaders, from different places each giving council and guidance as directed from the our Heavenly Father. 

I surround myself with different people, from different cultures and beliefs. I try not to offend anyone with my beliefs because I don't want to be pushy. We are all given agency on this earth and counseled not to judge one another. (And I certainly am in no way fit to be a judge of any sort!) Because of this, I feel I don't always share what I know. If asked out right I would never deny it, that is for sure, but to offer up the words willingly, not often. 

So today as I am sitting in the rocking chair, watching my son sleep and worrying about the next "crucial five years" I remember a talk given by Elder Scott last week. He spoke about 4 tools that could bring us peace. The first was prayer. 

Elder Scott said, 

"Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences."

"Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life."

This is what I know, what I believe and the truths I follow. 
It helps me on days like today when I feel inadequate.
Heavenly Father is a prayer away.

For the rest of Elder Scott's talk click here.
For the rest of A Child's Prayer song click here.
For the entire LDS 2014 October Conference click here.

Still alive.

I have thought a lot about the BLOG. I am Mommy now, so time is not ever my own. I thought about trying to capture each day and writing it down. That thought was out the door before I could even finish it. I thought about deleting it, but I like reading what I wrote years ago. (It's that embarrassing, goofy feeling like: Oh dear... did I really do that?) So I decided that it will be what ever I feel like. And maybe more than one post a day. Maybe zero for a week.

I want to write down my thoughts... why not here?

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Sleepless dreams

It is currently 3:10 AM and I am awake on the couch. I was just about to head to the bed when little Thomas kicked me hard and slow. My entire stomach moved like an ocean wave. He is giving up sleep for me.

I originally got out of my warm bed, in a pretty decent sleeping position, to get TUMS. I was wide awake at 12:30AM, but like always, waited till the last second I could possibly bare to roll (and I mean roll) myself out of bed to seek some relief.

Once I found the TUMS I found a book and hours later Thomas is loving the awake time.

So here I sit, debating if I should try going to bed, even though in an hour my alarm will go off and I will be up with Cody, getting him ready for work. Or if I should eat something to get the horrible taste of TUMS out of my mouth. Both requires moving... So here I sit.


Today at my doctors appointment, I am 33 week, he was feeling Thomas and said, "He is a big baby!" I said, "THANK YOU! I knew he was huge!" I am still very pleased that someone has agreed with me that this kid is above average on growth. (Keeps the dream that he will come at 37 weeks alive for me)

But it is also interesting. At my baby shower some said, after I guess looking me up and down, "She is going to have a big baby." Really? At my baby shower? I took this not very kindly. What is that suppose to mean? I translated it as, "WOW, Brittany you are huge." Thanks, but are you a moron? It is my baby shower, tell me I look skinny. Lie! How hard is it to smile, lie and eat cake.

After hearing this, yes some actually repeated it to me in passing, I was happy I turned down the "guess how big her stomach is game." And when some of my guests asked me to play that game I said no. (Even though my loving sister had already measured me for it) I just don't understand why anyone would want to play a game that makes an eight month pregnant girl with swollen ankles, who has help to put on her shoes, who does a not-so-cute squat to pick things off the ground pose so they can guess her waist line. Umm, pass. I responded with "I am having a "large day" so I don't want people measuring me." Luckily I had just enough class to leave out the eye roll.

Wow. I just re-read that paragraph. Apparently it really struck a nerve that has not healed. HOWEVER, I did allow myself to be touched by almost all 50 people the shower. And by touched I mean tummy rubbed. And by rubbed I mean boarder-line (sometimes wayyyy past the boarder) awkward. A few times I said, "Yup... okay. Thats enough. Not a genie lamp" and walked away.

This was not a post about the baby shower but just one more thought on the subject. I know how cool it is to feel the baby kick. (It is currently rocking my world) So sharing that with someone is AWESOME. I love when I can grab Cody's had at the right time and have him feel my (our) little baby kick. When I am at home, I try to show everyone when Thomas is performing his karate routine.

So I get it, the belly is a magnate. But feeling MY belly isn't touching the baby. He is pretty layered. So when he is sleeping (or hiding) and people start the "rub" it poses a lot of questions. Such as, "You realize how far up and down you are rubbing your hands on my body, in public, without an invitation?" "Great, you're still touching me." "That's not Thomas moving, I just hiccuped" "Yep, keep rubbing and you get a wish." "So we are trying this for the 3rd time, awesome."

And that clears up my feelings on that matter. Ha, the more I fight the "rub", the more it comes to me.

After my rant, I am officially motivated to go to sleep. Hopefully writing at 3AM and not bothering to edit won't make me sound like a monster. I had a lovely baby shower. And I love Thomas. And I love that if someone makes me stay up till the twilight, it is my baby. And I also love that I can hear Cody's snores calling my name!


Friday, February 14, 2014

Hugs and Kisses

Valentines day is not about the gifts, it is more just a scheduled date night that the world provides. HOWEVER, we indulged in gifts this year. I always give lame ones that are NOT romantic but practical. Cody gives me sweet gifts that are constant reminders how he thinks of me all the day long. (In my defense, I did put a heart shaped chocolate box in his lunch.)
To make the night romantic, (well as romantic as it gets with a 6 month pregnant woman) I built a tent in our living room, made some homemade pizza and lit the candles. [The candles FREAKED Cody out. Something about a 'cloth tent, fire, burning, disaster']
Cody was in charge of the movie.... so we watched Lone Ranger. Romantic. 
We ended the night with some brownies and a bedtime of 8:30. 
That is my kind of party. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

This is called love?

My darling husband had a cold for about a week, and I knew every second of it. He was a ball of germs and I constantly was making a squished "eww" face when I looked at him. But of course, I tended to his every need and got him the medicine that he likes. I made baths, tea and clean un-germed clothes appear for him. How does he repay me on the day he feels better?

I am dying.